stand up: the best form of a put down
by Chichevache
Summary: pg13 for language... not sure if it will stay that way. My first story on FF.net (ooh I'm all of a flutter!) PLEASE review to tell me if i should continue. I probably will anyway. thankyou!
1. intro

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or the characters therein. I am a measley maggot on JKR's   
shoe. This also sucks... so please be gentle when you *REVIEW*  
  
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Harry Potter, star of Griffindor, glanced across the great hall, allowing his eyes to settle   
on the one thing he wanted, but could not have. Draco Malfoy, in all his corrupt innocence, gazed  
calmly, but mischieviously back.  
It was times like these, when no one payed attention, when no one noticed or even cared,   
that either one of the two boys relaxed at all.  
  
********mini-flashback, kinda**********************  
The final confrontation had been a difficult one, and all involved had been deeply   
scarred. Harry had managed to defeat Voldemort, using Lucius Malfoy's wand. And it had been   
Draco, surprisingly enough, that had invented the idea of destroying both an abusive father, and   
an insane overlord in one go. After he asked to spy for Dumbledore, the headmaster informed   
Harry, and the two made arrangements to teach each other curses, hexes, and protection spells to   
keep them both prepared for whatever was thrown at them.   
All was going smoothly for a time, and Draco and Harry had become incredibly close   
friends, apart from the fact that no one else knew of course. But as all good things, it had to  
end.  
Fast forward a few terms, about 8 months say, and Lucius has all too conveniently   
discovered Draco's trechery through his own spies at Hogwarts. Lucius, the evil bastard that he   
is, pulls our gorgeous Slytherin out of school, chains him up in the Malfoy Manor dungeons, and  
crucio's him until his ears bleed. Not very pleasent, I need not tell you.   
And so, the Mighty Order of the Phoenix apparates/flies/any other means of heroic   
transport's to the Manor, where they promptly split up, get lost, and manage to kill/maim/convert  
at least eight death eaters each-including Neville. Harry "Here I am Voldie!" Potter, finds  
himself almost immediately in the hidden dungeon, and seeing Draco's broken (yet still firm) body  
has a MAJOR hissy fit, frees Draco, and demands to know who did this to him. Draco merely points   
to his father and Voldemort standing behind Harry's shoulder.   
To cut cut a rather long story even shorter, Harry and Draco beat the living kedavra out  
of the wankers, kill both Lucius and Voldemort at the same moment, and save the wizarding world,  
without telling anyone that the mystery blond who helped so much was Draco Malfoy, obviously.   
(The Slytherins would beat the crap out of him)  
*******end mini-flashback****************************  
  
So now, with Lucius and Narcissa dead, (She got tangled in their web somewhere along the   
way) Draco was free enough to insult whoever the hell was there at the time, and not just the  
mudbloods and muggle-lovers. Oh no Mr Synicism, Master Malfoy had matured!  
He and Blaise Zabini, whose father had been *nearly* as bad as Lucius on a fantastic day,  
had become an ultimate force in the Hogwarts Halls, and with the Weasley twins graduating, and   
the Dark Lord's charred remains chopped up into a thousand little pieces and fed to every dragon,  
unicorn and Parkinson they could find, comic relief was very much needed. And everyone knows   
sarcasm, and stand up are the best form of put down.  
Those that were unafraid of being made a fool of, often joined in with the Slytherin   
duo's bordering-on-nearly-almost-friendly-banter, and those that still feared the Malfoy name or   
person, were ripped the shit out of on a bases far more frightening than when the Dream Team were   
the object of Malfoy's loathing.  
The afore mentioned group themselves, however, were no more an object of idolisation.  
To the Hogwarts populace, who were not Malfoy oriented, they were GODS. The majority of the   
Hogwart's pupils though, had Colin Creevey's poster sized moving pictures of both Harry *and*   
Draco spellotaped onto their "To Do" lists.  
  
  
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I know, It's awful. go on, tell me it's awful. or review, please review, dare you to review.   
Thankyou very much!  
Love, Chiche 


	2. smiles, seats and snakes

Disclaimer: I own nothing, please don't hurt me.  
AN: Ok, this is NOT a piss take. I love Harry/Draco slash, but It's a semi-parody of sorts,  
basically a collection of awful jokes, and maybe there'll be a plot somewhere. But this is  
purely for fun. thank you very much, and review!  
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Chapter 2:   
Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, stared at Draco for a full 13-and-a-half minutes before   
any one even noticed that he hadn't been talking, eating, or indeed blinking all that time.   
Hermione waved her hand in front of his eyes while Ron placed his head on Harry's shoulder,   
trying to see what he was staring at. Harry merely shrugged, and Ron lost his balance, falling   
over Neville who'd chosen that moment to stand up after searching for his frog in that very   
convenient spot behind Ron's legs.  
Most of the great hall burst out laughing, and many of the Griffindors fell off their   
chairs in laughter.  
"Well, well," began a familiar, cold drawl. "One would have thought that this many   
mudbloods would have learnt by this age how to sit on a chair."  
"Quite right, Malfoy." echoed Blaise, giving as good as a pureblood of slightly lower   
breeding could, "One would also have supposed they could stand up without some outside help."  
"Not to mention how two purebloods, such as yourselves, should be capable of counting higher   
than 'one'"   
"Now, now Potter, no need to get defensive." Hermione couldn't help but notice how Malfoy's  
confident smirk became slightly less malicious when directed at harry.   
"See you all in potions- and do calm down Ronniekins, your palour is matching your hair."  
Draco sauntered off before Hermione or Ginny could ask him to sign their photographs, and Zambini   
followed with his feet, the same path Harry followed with his eyes.   
"You have to admit it though Ron," began Seamus, trying to coax his housemates back into   
conversation, "His insults are getting better."  
"Yeah, he only used "mudblood" once, and he didn't say anything about Neville's squibness."  
added Dean, for no other reason than Ron's colour change from red to purple was something that had   
to be appreciated.  
"Are you trying to tell me...that... that... -thing- should be congratulated on not saying  
mudblood and squib in the same bloody sentence?" (At this point a simultaneous yell of "Language Mr.   
Weasley!" and "10 points from Griffindor" could be heard vaguely from either end of the teacher's  
table)  
"He is getting better!" squealed Ginny.  
"Yeah, he didn't say Potty, Weasel, Squib, sod, wanker, git, fu-fu.." listed Hermione,   
ignoring the looks Ron was giving her.  
"...Eunic, (you know what one of them is, right Ron?), Hufflepuff... what?"  
"Dean, how is 'Hufflepuff' an insult?" Harry ignored the sight of Hufflepuffs snorting   
pumpkin juice out of their nostrils, silently thanking Merlin that Dean's back was turned to   
that particular table.  
Seamus turned around in his seat, and stared at the Hufflepuffs for a moment, before saying   
loudly: "Harry old chum, if you can't figure -that- out for yourself, I don't know how you'll   
survive the classes where you'll need your wits about you!" (To which an oily voice yelled   
"He won't! Ow! gerroff Minerva!" from the direction of the teacher's table.)  
  
***************IN POTIONS! YAY!***********************************  
  
Snape walked into the classroom in a particularly violent mood, and every thing on his desk, or   
shelves promptly transfigured themselves into frogs and hopped out of the window, leaving his   
students to wish that they could do the same. Snape placed a chair in the middle of the room, in   
full view of the students, and sat gracefully on it, neatly folding his hands in his lap, and smiled   
at the class. Every thing in the room, (paintings included) fearfully gave their full   
attention, for Snape NEVER sat down, NEVER did anything gracefully, and NEVER EVER smiled.   
"Today class," he began in an extremely tense, restrained voice, "We will not be making any type  
of potion, (Unless you all give me a bloody heart attack and force me to make a lovely little pois..."  
Realising he had been babbling to himself, he quickly cleared his throat and started again.  
"We are going to talk about Death eaters, and what you do or do not know of them. This is   
to be a purely educational conversation, no personal grudges must be held, and no foul language will  
be used when describing them. Understood? Good."  
An hour and a half later, Snape had given a lecture that would terrify Lucius Malfoy into  
dropping out of the inner circle, and become a nun. With the help of Blaise ("The Dark Mark burns  
like hell"), Draco ("The simplest insults pissed off old Vaccuum face"), and various other students  
who knew anything about being a death eater,   
"Father was always so grumpy", (Milicent Bulstrode)  
"you-know-who was one ugly assed mutha-",  
"It's so difficult because the only way to rebel is to be nice" (Pansy Parkinson)  
"Or gay" (Blaise)   
"Or anything to do with not killing Harry really" (Draco.) This last comment brought murmers  
of agreement from most of the room.  
However, as it was revealed that the conversation was supposed to be non-biased, several less  
convincing points came across:  
"Death Eaters are usually rich" (Goyle)  
"And/or incredibly stupid." (Draco)  
"They give you loads of food" (Crabbe)  
"They give you loads of curses to master." (Pansy)  
"They give you loads of opportunities to prove your worth- then beat you when you fail." (Blaise)  
"Voldemort, erm, has, lots of names..." (Draco)  
"Voldemort's over fifty, so he's a bit past it." (Blaise)  
"And he looks like a snake" (Goyle)  
"And he sounds like a snake" (Crabbe)  
"And he has a pet Snake" (Goyle)  
"And he lets these two morons babble on about snakes" (Snape)  
Soon it was lunchtime, and Snape gave the class their homework:  
CHOOSE AN ASPECT OF THE DEATH EATING CULTURE AND GIVE ME FOUR SCROLL ESSAY ON IT BY TOMORROW. WORK  
IN PAIRS!  
  
*****LATER********************************************************  
  
The rest of the day was uneventful, except that in honour of all the muggles and muggle-borns that  
had died in Voldemort's "crusade", the following day was to be a muggle day. The entire school   
would be forced to wear muggle clothes and take part in muggle lessons. Instead of potions: science  
etc. In the Slytherin dormatries that night one little blond boy was not only completing his potions   
homework, but was also panicking about what to wear, what to wear!   
  
TBC  
  
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Now I have to think....... hmmmmm, how to make things funny??? Y'know it's scary, I think I'm   
getting a plot... nah! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!   
Love Chiche 


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